Catching Consciousness

Category: Soul-of-Thought Revival/ Recycled Visions

Journal: Dream Journal

Dates: 4-7-11 and 1-2-07

Catching Consciousness

by Felina Lune Kavi

4-7-11

My subconscious is a vast body of water. It contains everything I know and everything yet to be imagined. Sometimes knowledge is buried deep...and sometimes it resurfaces, again and again, taking concrete form and creating new images.

Other times it evaporates into the clouds of memory, then falls upon me so that I might catch it before it drops into that sea of mystery. When I retain enough of it, it pools in my hands and flows from my fingertips so that I may record it in writing and voice it in truth.

But while I am sleeping...everything freezes...and dreams fall upon me like snowflakes. Intricate knowledge contained in delicate form. As one closes in, I can see the unique beauty of that watery messenger, closer and closer still...until I am awakened.

Upon awakening, the dream dissolves into the warm whites of my opened eyes. The momentary crystals melt again into the mystery of my subconscious sea.

Dreams in Snowflakes

by Felina Lune Kavi

1-2-07

closing in,

yesterday's images recycled

into clear crystal intricacy

like snowflakes falling

into eyes.

where there is no asleep

and no awake,

the time is fixed

on revealing answers sought

in depth.

closer still,

one perfect story

told in riddles

and seen in phrases

cold as ice.

see it frozen,

see it falling,

know exactly what it means.

watch the wonder,

watch the candor,

cold and clear before your eyes.

just as soon as the answer hits,

the eyes awaken in a flash.

the snowflake dream

falls into warm whites,

melts away like memory...

what was found is lost.

-->YOU ARE HERE<--

Category: Soul-of-Thought Revival

Journal: *VOICE* ("unthought-like thoughts that are the souls of thought")

Dates: 7-18-05 and 9-8-10

waiting womb


7-18-05

you can wander around lost and searching for something to find you, to make you know yourself for certain...you can do that, wandering forever. 



and you can search outside yourself hoping to find it in the vast but limited world of reality, because the world inside you is unlimited confusion and you can't seem to find yourself there. 



and even when the advice you hear outside tells you to look inside, you don't know where to begin to look.



you know it's been inside you all along, what you're looking for, it's been there waiting for you.



once you find it, or it finds you as it was in my case, your once hazy vision of a world with blurred edges and transitory images comes *SMACK* into focus...and everything is so clear now. everything makes sense, even nonsense. you find a purpose, you find a reason, you find a world you always wished you had but thought it was too far away from where you were...you find yourself. and you know yourself better than you could possibly imagine. better than you could ever explain. and you laugh, remembering how different you were before you knew...how opposite a world was in your view. and you cry, thinking this is the beginning of life, knowing the world before was a womb for the waiting.

Co-creating a World of Love

9-8-10

We are magnets for the experiences we need to heal us into wholeness. Look into the people in your life. Those common experiences and frustrations that bonded you in friendship, love, and understanding...they are a reflection of your own healing path, just as yours is a reflection of theirs. Even the people who irritate but you can't leave them for one reason or another...they, too, represent lessons to learn. And they are learning that same lesson.

The circumstances you find yourself in are always the right ones. Even when you feel the sting of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, or the torture of making bad decisions that lead you to bad results...you were meant to find yourself there.

But these outside forces are not what define who we are.

Inside everyone is a battle between fear and love. It really boils down to that, trite as it may sound. Neither can live with the other, and each is overshadowing the other in any given circumstance.

When you act out of fear, you are not yourself...you are what you know you should discard. And guilt seeps in, then, because you know...and everything else that distances ourselves from the source of our strength begins to snowball into an avalanche. And there you are, buried and frozen until love comes again to the rescue...if you let it.

When you act out of love, you are yourself...even if it feels unfamiliar. And just as fear creates fear, love creates love. With love, however, you expand rather than contract. You grow. You learn. You love more. And you inspire others to look with eyes of love. And they grow. They learn. They love more. And they inspire others.

If fear and love were both wildfires...which would you rather watch run rampant in the world? The one that burns and destroys...or the one that purifies and restores?

The Bird of the Soul

Category: Soul-of-Thought Revival

Journals: The 2004 Venusian Octave (Music of the Spheres), Confessions of Her Roaring Twenties, and Blue Moon Seachange

Dates: 11-24-2004, June 2006, 6-23-2007, and 8-16-2010

11-24-2004

this is why the caged bird sings...
The symbolism of the caged bird appears in much of women's literature. And each time I encounter it in writing, my insides twist up a bit and my throat gets tight with emotional tension.

I've always felt the wings of my words like they were caged in my ribs...thumping out their message with my heartbeat as their rhythm. And this phoenix within me cannot be forced through my voice and out of my mouth, her wings are much too large. Instead she has found solace in the openness of my mind, where she can fly to the highest heights and across the boundless seas of a world that exists only in my perception. And though she was once a gypsy spirit, she has found a home with me.

And with her in mind, I can write like the wind. She knows not how to write, or speak in language discernable to ears, but she knows what she knows...and it's so much more than I have ever learned myself. Her stories, her poetry, her birdsongs...I translate them through to my fingertips. And there, in writing, lies my soul.

......................................................................................................

The torturous June of 2006

Perched

Perched like a bird on the balcony

awaiting what is difficult to bear,

she sits as if in a still life

as birds build up nests of her hair.

She projects confidence through stoic seclusion,

which means little to nothing at all.

Preened feathers show nothing of the fear

that built up and will break down her wall.

Balcony Bird

Wash me up on the shores of thought

Stop the time I never forgot

Find my soul in a quiet world

Live a life of love unfurled

Drown all pain by an act of God

Fly this bird through skies abroad

Lift me up from the fall of grace

Take the time to grow from this place

Soothe my soul with the breath of peace

Have a life before it should cease

Face all pain with the strength to stay

Watch this bird as she floats away

............................................................

6-23-2007

~Dejavu~

She becomes her thoughts unravelled,
oldest soul through bodies travelled.
in a cage where ribs are bars,
in a mind aligned with stars,
with the wings of voice and reason,
ever evolving like the seasons.
She unmasks the truth of being
through the writer, always seeing.

............................................................

2010

Soul Bird

Tiny dinosaurs,

feathered and singing,

flit from branch to feeder

and fly away.

The one within

calls out to them,

but they cannot hear

her song.

I write the words

for her freedom.

I clear my head

for her flight.

Applying Acting to Everyday Life/ Creating Reality on Stage

Category: Soul-of-Thought Revival

Journal: Venus-lit Vixen: Keep the Change

Date: May 12th, 2004

applying acting to everyday life
 (2004)

not lying. acting. there's a difference. to me.



focus your energies on a specific situation. you know what you want to achieve, you are aware of what is standing in your way, and you perform an action to obtain your goal. in it's most fundamental form, that is what acting is.



realize that much of our behavior in social situations is not acting, but it can be. the important difference is the degree to which you control and alter your behavior, modify your actions, and adjust your choices. 



when we realize, before we say a truth, the potential for a conflict in an answer...when we consciously select a specific goal or outcome, when we willfully modify our behavior to achieve that goal, then we are acting.



but acting is not designed to make you a dishonest person. in a real sense, acting in society is not an exercise in dishonesty...it often is really nothing more than being tactful, diplomatic, or discreet when dealing with others.



but acting on stage is something more complex. i find that becoming another character is a very healthy way of trying out other modes of thinking...reaching goals that i might or might not want to reach one day...but trying it out in another's body first. to see if i like it. for example, i quite liked being a dog. and i learned a lot about myself just from portraying sylvia. but you can't act like a dog just anywhere. though i've pushed the limits of where i can. hee hee.



for future reference, denny's will serve a dog-like girl anything she wants. as long as she pays. and uses her utensils.



so, about self-delusion. you know, lately...i've been feeling, not thinking, that pretending to be happy while you are unhappy can sometimes lead to actual happiness. at least, for me. i am banishing negativity from entering my body...or my mind rather. because my heart...oh, my heart...it knows i'm happy regardless of what my head tries to confuse me with in all its grandiose and incessant thought.



not that i am discounting thought. just negative thought. it doesn't do anyone any good. and it keeps you from that all-important goal of happiness. negativity is the obstacle. 



but it is SO easy to negate ourselves into the ground. SO easy. because happiness is a difficult goal for us humans. but it's such a universal goal. everyone wants it. and the ones who say they don't have just given up. and in my opinion, to give up on happiness...no matter how disillusioned to it you are...is just laziness. LAZINESS, i say!



and i'm done with second guessing the good things in life. done with losing hope. hope is there. it's there, my friends. but none of these things are just going to fall into your lap.

Creating Reality on Stage: Act One (2010)

Acting, to me, has always been about doing and being while showing and telling. This is the art that imitates life in the clearest terms. The human element is present in the show. We are meant to relate dramatically.

In my experience as an actor, there have been directors and teachers of theatre whose words of encouragement were imperative phrases like 'show me more' or 'make me cry'. We don't just agree to be in the show, we are to work together to become the show. And we are art that is meant to create a response from our observers. The best shows attainable come from the integrity and co-creation of every element.

Some shows will strip you down and bear your soul...others will show you what it feels like to be something you are not. While some will feel like stepping into another's shoes and becoming someone new for the rest of your life.

Acting is not just a frivolous pursuit fueled by a need for attention or affirmation of talent. Not for me, anyway. I find great wisdom in it. You not only learn about others, but also about yourself. You have to want to work toward this, if you're going to be an actor. You can't be afraid, there's no time for that. What there is time for is building upon your knowledge of this art...and you not only do this on stage, but also in everyday life.